CONCORD — Before disagreeing with someone, it is best to first make a connection with that person.

This was one of the takeaways from a Thursday training session attended by about 90 members of the 400-person N.H. House of Representatives.

Trainers encouraged lawmakers to pair off with counterparts they did not know, ideally from a different political party, to practice constructive techniques for managing difficult conversations.

The idea was that two people can disagree without being disagreeable.

Braver Angels, a nonprofit organization with a goal of “bridging the partisan divide,” conducted the two-hour workshop in the House chamber.

One way of making a connection is to restate or acknowledge the other person’s view with words like, “I get it. I get why you feel that way,” or “If I understand your position, your concern is such and such,” one of the trainers, Dr. Beth Malow, a neurology professor at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, told the lawmakers.

If you connect first, the other person will hear your view better and the disagreement is likely to be accurate and positive instead of distorted and negative, she said.

The two people may even find some common ground.

“Unfortunately, in our polarized environment these days, people come up with distorted views of the other person’s position, and then they smash those views to pieces,” Malow said, adding this in turn leads to an “us-versus-them mentality.”

Trainers also told lawmakers to couch their views in “I statements,” such as “This is how I see it,” rather than “This is how it absolutely is!”

They were also encouraged to:

Name their sources when making an argument.

Try to mention a value or concern the other person probably shares.

Avoid negative labels such as “That’s a racist policy,” or “That’s a socialist policy.”

Focus on the person you’re talking to rather than lumping them in with a large group such as Democrats or Republicans.

The N.H. House doesn’t always live up to these lofty goals.

Last May, tempers ran short during a debate on a bill concerning firearm background checks.

When Rep. Terry Roy, R-Deerfield, began speaking in support of the legislation, someone in the House chamber yelled out, “Liar.”

After he was done speaking, he approached Rep. Cyril Aures, R-Chichester, and there was a verbal confrontation. People rushed over, and House Speaker Sherm Packard, R-Londonderry, banged his gavel and called a 10-minute recess.

Doug Teschner, of West Lebanon, a former state representative who volunteers for Braver Angels and helped coordinate Thursday’s training session, spoke to lawmakers at the end of the workshop.

He said there are supposed to be disagreements over policy.

“That’s how democracy is supposed to work, but somehow over the last 40 years, it has gotten to the point where we personalize it, and this is the concern that we have,” Teschner said.

“It’s not about whether we agree or not. Disagree, that’s fine, but if somebody doesn’t agree with you, that doesn’t mean they’re stupid or they’re an idiot or not a patriot.”

Before inviting everybody to a Christmas party that followed the training, Packard warned people about the divisiveness that can occur through use of social media. He urged the lawmakers not to say something to someone on social media that they would not say to that person’s face.

After the training, Malow said in an interview that principles of being respectful during disagreements apply broadly, not just in the political arena. She said the Braver Angels organization also puts on workshops for families and friends.

“Particularly after a polarized election like the one we just had, people can use these skills in their lives to really make a difference in terms of their relationships,” she said. “Right now our family-and-politics workshops are really popular with the holidays near.”

Based in New York, Braver Angels also works with educational organizations, faith communities, the media and other groups. This was the group’s sixth workshop in the Statehouse since the organization first started putting them on in 2021.

These articles are being shared by partners in the Granite State News Collaborative. For more information, visit collaborativenh.org.