Caelin Graber lives in Greenville.

Now where did I put that? It is somewhere in this old box full of memorabilia from my days studying entomology at the University of Arkansas. Here’s my phloem sandwich (don’t ask). Here’s my jar of cicada exoskeletons. Here’s my thesis, a phonebook, a box of pins. Oh, found it! My beat-up paperback copy of Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring.”

I need it, you see, because I’d like to loan it to the people down at my local backyard mosquito control company. Their business, it appears, is booming. I make this determination based on the sudden proliferation of signs in people’s yards. People’s yards that belong to people that also need to obtain a copy of Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring.”

I mean, this is 2024, right? Isn’t it common knowledge that pesticides are harmful to the environment, not to mention ineffective? “Silent Spring” came out in 1963 for crying out loud. We’ve known this for a while. Besides, we’re in the throes of what some are calling “Insect Armageddon,” an alarming trend that threatens to bring down entire ecosystems.

But, okay, okay. I need to breathe. Let’s give these backyard mosquito control companies and the people who hire them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they just need a little refresher course on the topic. Okay, here it goes: pesticides are harmful to the environment, not to mention ineffective. (Calling them “natural” does not make them less so). Pesticides are contributing to the biodiversity crisis. Case closed.

I’m glad we all agree on these unassailable points. So, once the backyard mosquito control companies realize that what they do for a living is unconscionable, they’ll immediately cease operations. This is great news for the environment, but I would hate to see people losing jobs. And we are left with the same basic problem: managing mosquitoes.

No worries! I have an exciting business proposal that will control mosquitoes and allow these companies to stay in business. As a bonus, this proposal will also make the world a better place! I’ll have to present it to the backyard mosquito control companies after they’ve read “Silent Spring.” Then, they may be more receptive.

Oh, never mind. Why wait? It is such a great proposal that I can’t keep it under my pith helmet. Backyard mosquito control companies listen up! Instead of destroying the living world, you could do the exact opposite: you could help people build habitat for wildlife. Now, that’s a brilliant idea.

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First, you’d have to change the name of your business to reflect your new approach: “Firefly Fran’s” “Butterfly Squad” or “Thriving Nature in Southern New Hampshire” (we may have to workshop that last one a little, but you get the idea). Your services could include a whole host of things. For example, you could install bat houses. You could build nesting sites for mosquito-eating birds. You could construct habitats that attract dragonflies and other natural enemies of mosquitoes. You could remove insect zappers and unnecessary outdoor lighting. You could expand your business into the area of mental health and offer counseling services on how to break up with your leaf blower. You could partner with all the landscape companies and then everyone is making money.

I mean, these are just a few of my ideas. I don’t want to disclose everything. So, let’s do this: I’m going to send you my copy of “Silent Spring.” Read it, then, give me a call and we’ll set up a time to talk. I’m so thrilled about this that I won’t even demand a consulting fee. Preserving nature and having fewer mosquitoes around will be enough payment for me.